Cat444 はてなハイク市民 (プラチナ 2,632日)

小泉猫さんのエントリー

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Cat444 小泉猫

Appointment's going to be at 12:00(Obviously the afternoon one)
Cat444

Cat444 小泉猫

Three more days until the appointment
Cat444

Cat444 小泉猫

Other highlights
-My teeth have fourteen cavities
-Another brilliant mess has wound up with me needing to get an examination of sorts in a few days
Cat444

Cat444 小泉猫

Philosophic to the point of overthinking and paranoia
Cat444

Cat444 小泉猫

But from a general standpoint apparently this "placement in the world" thought style is something everyone in this age range happens to go through
Cat444

layla-friends napandastia

返信先小泉猫
Some might say it was my whole life but to make it simpler it was about the last four years or even last at the most
I'm likely suffering from some PTSD spawned from the actions performed by my now deceased father
It's hard to say just exactly when he truly started going "crazy" but the portion that dominated it the most was closer to the end
He had enough hospital visits that certain events in the past could be pinpointed as when it had to be pulled into medical services,the major one being when he choked on some beef
Piece of meat gets removed but it turns out he had stage four nasal-facial cancer,treatments and rehab happen for the factors of that and he survives but then it turns out his thyroid is fried and the chemo messed with his gums
This led to some oxygen treatments and last year in what was apparently June he basically lost it completely on the attempted ride home so my mother and I had to get him in for a few days
Unfortunately the joke which is medical care was a constant factor...As long as you know who the president is,what day of the week it is,and you promise not to hurt anyone you're free to go so after three days he's apparently sane enough to be let out onto the streets again
But home life definitely wasn't peaceful,it was just an ongoing loop of lies with him promising to stop his alcoholism but always poorly hiding the beer which was not going to help him get any better
He threatened to kill us one night and it was heard on the emergency hotline,we had cops and ambulances on the scene taking him to be evaluated but given he was put in for a physical problem rather than mental we wake up in the middle of the night to find out he was sent out and came home mainly by walking the highway with a foot that had some snips of toe removed exposed to the elements
By this point when it came to sleeping I started barricading the door and using the chamber pot I conveniently owned due to his abnormal sleep schedule and not wanting to get involved
Soon enough I finally realized enough was enough and on his latest pull-out my mother and I grabbed what was necessary at the time and found temporary refuge with my mortal enemy's family but eventually found ourselves bunking in my uncle's spare bedroom and back again
Through this back-and-forth several bits of nonsense happened with him,the most major one being him thinking he could drive the highway on our golfcart in an area nor the type being street legal
We attempted calling the police on him several times but it was mainly shrugged off as marriage disputes and each time nothing was done he just thought he was even more unstoppable
It's still surprising he lasted as long as he did even with all the odds in the way but then came October,by what I heard from us trying to be familiar with his situation and being sure he wasn't causing too much damage he got an obsession with spray painting on shiny surfaces and even had half his face covered in the stuff
The fifth was his birthday so his side of family who I never really felt a part of takes him out to eat and none of them take him to the hospital afterwards despite the fact something needed to be checked
Two days later at four in the morning we got a phone call from our home phone but the voice is the police informing us he fell off the golfcart and got ran over,to make this even sadder is the fact he was trying to bring flowers to his deceased mother
Of course with an event like this it's going to make the local news but people don't know what they should be typing or not so there's kooks making a joke about it by saying he must have been a member of Donald Trump's secret service and having me become somewhat familiar with the term of the "Darwin Award"

But how do I feel about all this?I'm still not truly sure
I managed to become a homeowner during the process but I also feel like this was the most strayed the timeline my life could have taken has gone
I'm accepting that soda also comes in cans and that's what I occasionally hear cracking
I have become way too overly protective of my cats because during the process of his insanity and this house being worked on I lost a collection of them whether it was by his actions or the course of life thanks to the ones I managed to take with me to this dwelling of mine
If there is one thing to keep in mind it is that while there are some constant factors life is ultimately a crazy gamble and you sometimes end up on a wild ride you never wanted to really be mixed up in but you had to
All I can do is hope another year makes me feel a bit more stable or maybe I need to hunt down a therapist
Cat444

layla-friends napandastia

返信先napandastia
I'm not sure if expressing what is almost to a whole year since it happened is a way to put events into comparison but my life hasn't really been the easiest either
I keep getting reminded that I am supposed to be in a better situation that I was around this time last year but some of it still feels a bit unnatural
Something keeps holding me back from wanting to talk about it because a part of me keeps thinking no one would believe it if I told them thanks to the ideals that some imaginary book of how life is supposed to go must have told them
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